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History of Technology of Music

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This file updated 28 May 2019

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Music and Humour

Sad case of an aged Beatles fan

==================================

A man has become an obsessive vinyl record collector, so bad that he gets a referral and goes to see a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist: Tell me about your condition.

Man: I collect vinyl records, especially The Beatles.

Psychiatrist: Well, what have you got then?

Man: I've got Please Please Me, and With The Beatles and Revolver and Abbey Road and Meet The Beatles and Let It Be.

Psychiatrist: What about Sergeant Peppers?

Man: Yes, I've got that and also A Hard Day's Night and Rubber Soul and Yellow Submarine and Magical Mystery Tour and of course The White Album.

Psychiatrist: Ah, I know your problem. You need Help!


Bagpipes at a funeral

From a friend somewhere in the USA ...

As a Bagpiper, I play many funeral gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low my heart was full. As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "Sweet Mother, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

(Ends)

Laugh and cry now with a performing musician

From Anon (19 September 2006)


AUDIENCE ADVICE

(From those who know)

(Just in case ya missed this one)

Advert for bass player

When requesting a song from the band, just say “play my song”, or “it goes something like this” then hum a few bars! We musicians have a chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited database with the favourite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.

If we tell you that we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we’re only kidding. Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be … it helps jog the memory.

If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the band. Any words.

If one member halfway knows part of a chorus, the rest of the band will instantly learn the entire song by osmosis.

Knowing this, if the band still claims not to know your song, it helps to just keep requesting the same song every-time there is a break.

It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, “AW COME ON!” and, “YOU GUYS SUCK!” Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog a band’s memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of “Personal Friend Of The Band.”

Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their shows. They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they arrive. An entertainer’s job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don’t let them off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters.

If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band that follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous band ever played, even if the current band as a blues, country or ABBA.tribute band. It’s the law!!!

Feel free to yell AC/DC or KISS!! To a band that plays strictly originals or jazz for example. Conversely, jazz lovers may yell for Golden Wedding to any band with a saxophone player, even though it wasn’t played on a saxophone.

IMPORTANT

When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away. This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly game of tug of war between their head and your hands. Don’t give up! Hang on until the singer or instrumentalist submits. Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they usually sit in the back, protected by the other players. Keyboard players are protected by their instrument and only play the game when tricked into coming out from behind their keyboards. Though difficult to get them to play, it’s not impossible, so keep trying. They’re especially vulnerable in the break between songs.

TALKING WITH THE BAND

The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is in the middle of a song when all the members are singing at the same time (such as a multi harmony part). Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician doesn’t reply to your question or comment during a tune, it’s because they didn’t get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to scream your request and be sure to over emphasise the words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don’t be fooled.

Singers have the innate ability to answer any questions and sing at the same time. If the singer doesn’t answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question, may seem, it’s because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.

HELPING THE BAND

If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. Just pretend you’re in a karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up on stage and join in. by the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound and the louder you should sing. If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony.

Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, third and fourth part harmonies, or a tambourine played out of time.

Try a cowbell, they love the challenge. The band always needs the help and will take this as a compliment.

VERY IMPORTANT

Remember to allow enough time to make it from the stage to the bathroom in case of an emergency. On stage accidents are bad form. The band will carry on.

BONUS TIP

As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on stage and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you immediately the following day to offer you a position.


Rock journalism is [by] people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.” Frank Zappa. (This website does not entirely agree, but it's a great quote, no? -Ed)



Secretly, I wanted to look like Jimi Hendrix, but I could never quite pull it off.” -Bryan Ferry, on being a rock god.

Solution for hip hop problem listeners, Australia 2008
Younger teens undergoing treatment for hip hop preference, Australia, 2008

How to Tackle Hip Hop Music: If your children are addicted to music which has no discernible tune, and they pretend to be poverty stricken by wearing over-sized hand-me-down clothes, and they continually boast about how cool they are then you might have a problem. A secret government initiative now being trialled on the North Coast might just have the answer ...
Photo by Unknown Sense of Humour (2008)

On 9-8-2005, an after-midnight announcer on ABC-FM (Australia) brings up a track and wonders idly, since it presents a slew of classically-minded cellists, what is the collective noun for a slew of cellists? A slur? (It's a “swarm of cellists”, apparently.)

Perhaps the funniest remark this website has ever heard about line dancers in Australia, as follows, from a friend in Melbourne who lives near St Kilda - "Linedancers? Aren't they just big-arsed divorcees wearin' spurs...?" Of which we are reminded in January 2005 as line dancers in Tamworth try to recapture the record for the world's longest line of line dancers, around 6000 or so as we recall.

W/e 21 February 2004, "I don't think people realise how many children I've fathered." - David Bowie, asked why so many young people attend his shows.

"The large print giveth and the small print taketh away" - lyric line from Tom Waits.

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life." - remark from Frank Zappa

Quote from Elvis Presley (so it is said), "I don't know anything about music. In my line, you don't have to."

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney (1901-1966)

"I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it." - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favourite song.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting The Beatles, 1962.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
- H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour."
- Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)


----- Original Message -----
From: "Lois Benge" - beatwire@yahoo.com
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 7:12 PM
Subject: Saving The World From Whiny Victim Love Songs
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SAVING THE WORLD FROM WHINY VICTIM LOVE SONGS

6 January, 2004 (Kansas City, MO) -- Finally, someone is doing something about the mind-altering menace we all secretly cringe from: Whiny Victim Love Songs.
Kansas City's Greg Tamblyn, a singer, songwriter, speaker, and humorist, has had enough.
Enough of songs like I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You Were Here. And If You Won't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will. Enough of lyrics that turn love into a hostage situation!
"It's a simple thing," says Tamblyn. "I want to liberate as many people as possible from the ravages of songs that say 'Without you, I'm garbage.'"

So he's coming to the rescue with a two-part campaign. First, he's released a new double CD titled Saving The World From Whiny Victim Love Songs. Secondly, he's sponsoring a nationwide contest offering cash prizes for finding the best (worst?) already recorded love songs with victim messages. The winners will be announced by Tamblyn during Valentine's week, 2004. (To check out the CD and the contest, visit http://www.GTsongs.com.)

Disc 1 of Tamblyn's new album is a live comedic tour-de-force of songs and bits about relationships. Common Side Effects Include equates the stages of romantic love (kissing, making love, marriage, divorce) to powerful drugs.
Then just like the TV drug commercials, it lists their side effects (heavy breathing, endorphin overload, babies, teenagers, in-laws, lunch with lawyers, etc.). Other highlights include I'd Like To Be The Man My Dog Thinks I Am; The Top 10 Whiny Victim Love Songs; The Shootout At The I'm OK, You're OK Corral; and My Life Is A Beer Commercial.



Google logo


WWW Dan Byrnes' websites





bluepin1.gif - 947 BytesDisc 2 contains 17 tracks of studio sessions with top-shelf Nashville and Kansas City musicians. Although a couple of the tracks are humorous (e.g. Self Employment Made Harder By Difficult Boss), the rest are beautiful, thoughtful, well-crafted songs about a wide range of life experiences.
If Tamblyn has his way, there will still be great love songs, just not ones that encourage us to be (or to take) love slaves.

###

For more information, contact:
Lois Benge, TuneTown Records, PO Box 45258, Kansas City MO 64171-0258.
Phone: 816-756-0069
E-mail: lois@gregtamblyn.com
Web sites: http://www.GTsongs.com/ or http://www.gregtamblyn.com/

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You can find an excellent music-and-recording history timeline (if it appears) at: http://history.acusd.edu/gen/recording/notes.html -

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Just lately, FYI and for our own ...

... this website has lately been listening to,

Gurrumul
Australian Geoffrey Yunupingu
CD by Geoffrey Gurrumul
Yunupingu (who is blind).
He plays a Martin guitar.

the absolutely amazing album Gurrumul, by n/e Arnhem Land Aboriginal singer/guitarist, Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu (an album we highly recommend to anyone anywhere in the world), it is an Australian masterpiece!)
Caught up with Bob Dylan's 2006 album Modern Times. A variety of world music, Mike Oldfield V1 and V2 of Tubular Bells (for reasons of 1970s nostalgia)
And earlier to Ry Cooder (mostly blues). Bob Brozman (slide guitar, blues, albums varous). Sonny Lim from Hawaii, album titled Slack Key Guitar (delightful). Samuel Arnold, English classical late C18th. The Cocteau Twins, their 2006 compilation on Mercury Records, once again entranced by the voice and feeling of singer Elizabeth Fraser of Cocteau Twins (see www.cocteautwins.com or www.mercuryrecords.co.uk)

Lately (early 2010) we have had recommended to us for listening fun, Dave Rawlings (USA), album Friend of a Friend. Wilco, The Album, and yet again Wilco with Jeff Tweedy et al, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, an album apparently with a "tortured history" but we don't yet know why this is said.






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